Who's at Fault?

 Who's at fault?

When the couple returned for the second session, I could see the tension between them. It was one of those situations that could turn explosive very quickly. After praying, each of them started to tell their side of the story and the tension grew. They explained that they had lost their home, job, and were struggling just to survive. He had never worked so hard in all his life and for so little in return. She wanted to have children, but feared the pain it would bring especially if there were twins. My first thought was they must have been living extremely well until the rug had been pulled out from under them.

As their story continued to unfold, the explosion that I dreaded came to pass. The tears started to flow as she looked right at him and said, "You are the one who was supposed to protect me. You should have defended me, but no, you blamed me as if you had nothing to do with it. Now look at us, everything is ruined." With a shocked look on his face, he replied, "What did you expect me to do? It was your fault."

I knew that if I didn't get them calmed down quickly the session would be a disaster. So I interrupted and asked him to explain what happened.  Adam, the husband, told me about being in the garden with God and how wonderful that was.  He had a great deal to say about how wonderful he thought Eve was when God made her.  Then he explained how the serpent came and deceived Eve and they ate the fruit.  Eve jumped in and added that they tried to cover themselves, but when that didn't work, they hid.  Adam said they quickly realized they couldn't hide from God.  Petrified with fear, they stood before God as He asked them "Who told you that you were naked?  Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?"

Eve jumped in again and said you won't believe his answer.  He blamed me!  He told God, "The woman whom Thou gavest to be with me, she gave me from the tree and I ate." Adam replied with "Well, what was I suppose to do?"

Let's be honest here.  I have never counseled Adam and Eve.  I have also stretched the story just a little, but just like them we tend to push the blame on others when we are called on the carpet for our sin.  If you read Genesis 3:12, it is obvious to see that Adam is blaming Eve, but read what he said carefully.  There is also a subtle shifting of blame going towards God, as if it was God's fault because He gave Eve to him.

Satan must have enjoyed watching this interaction.  After all, the picture we see of him throughout Scripture is of one who causes division by accusation.  We would benefit from keeping this in mind when we argue and fight with our spouses.  The enemy wants to destroy the marital relationship.  The two most common statistics place the divorce rate at either 36 %  or over 50%.  There is virtually no difference between Christian and non-Christian marriages.  It is a tragedy that satan's tactics of accuse, divide and conquer are so effective within the Body of Christ. 

It is a constant battle to remind people to stop and recognize the larger picture.  It's not just about the husband and wife, the marital relationship affects the children, the Church and the culture in which we live.

The above question that Adam asked, "What was I supposed to do?" is a valid one.  What did God expect from Adam?  After all Eve did eat the fruit and give it to him.  I think the answer can be found by looking at the second Adam, that is, Christ Jesus.  Philippians 2:5-8 holds some incredible insight for us: "Have this attitude in yourselves...He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross."  The example Jesus gives is that of humility and obedience.

Think it through with me. God comes in the flesh in the form of Jesus, lives an innocent life and then dies on the cross for our sins.  Should we not follow His example and suffer wrong for the sake of restoring a relationship?  Even if Adam was innocent, which I don't believe he was, he should have been humble enough to take responsibility for his actions rather than blaming Eve.  Likewise, Eve should have been humble enough to take responsibility for her actions rather than blaming the serpent.

The next time tempers flair between you and your spouse, boss, co-worker or anyone else, try taking a new approach.  Rather than blaming or pointing out what the other person has done, take a look at yourself, confess any wrongdoing and ask for forgiveness.  I have found in counseling, and in my own personal life, that God blesses the humble but opposes the proud.

There are several things to watch for if you try doing this.  First, the sinful nature leaves us with a natural tendency to protect "self" by blaming or pointing out someone else's flaws.  Because of this, many people don't know how to react when someone humbles himself in our presence.  Sometimes it puts them on the spot and they react even more.  At other times they quickly respond in like manner.  Do your own part, get rid of your expectations, and allow God to move freely in the situation.

Second, there may be an element of truth in your defense.  There was with Adam and Eve.  She did eat the fruit and gave some to Adam.  However, that does not justify avoiding responsibility for our actions.  God knew exactly what had happened before He even asked.  God asked so they could see what they had done.

Third, by being humble we are more pleasing to God, less reactionary to others, and set the stage for reconciliation rather than allowing the enemy to cause division.  Watch for opportunities to have spiritual conversations with people and opportunities to love them during this time, because the Word does tell us, above all, that we are ministers of reconciliation.

Blessings in Christ

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